I have thought a lot about my final post. But I don’t mean that I have had the whole thing all planned out and that it will all wrap up beautifully with a full circle neat and tidy bow. Instead, I have been thinking about how this is truly just the beginning for me (and for you, too). 

Health is a journey and not a final destination. There are goals and markers to note progress and victories had, but there isn’t a final grade to achieve or an end to make it to. 

So here’s where I am: The biggest future goal for my health is to be in maintenance mode, understanding there will be adjustments to be made as needed. We should all be growing and evolving as people, and I personally do not plan to stop evolving. But I do plan to not have health be such a focus in my life–when that will be I’m not sure–but the point is that I am working towards that. I am working towards taking care of myself being the default setting, and anything else added to that is a bonus. 

I’ve discovered that it is work to not be in maintenance mode. Making choices to take care of myself requires more effort and planning right now because it is not the default setting, but I can feel it becoming less of a conscious effort and there is also less resistance. These eases in resistance are what continues to give me hope. Moments like: 

• no longer feeling guilty when I rest
• not feeling stressed about what to order at a restaurant
• not feeling shame for finishing a meal or not finishing a meal
• getting consistent sleep
• feeling confident acknowledging and stating my needs. 

I have seen glimpses and glimmers of what could be, and it is empowering to pursue that. 

I have started to crave what is good for me. When I start to falter to old default settings and fall off the course, I am brought back on because it is something that I want to do. I know now what does not serve me well. Although some things offer temporary satisfaction in the moment, choosing what is best for me overall will bring the ultimate rewards. I can now feel when I have let myself down, which may not seem like a positive, but for the first time in a long time I am accountable to myself and what I want. There isn’t shame in the disappointment anymore, but it is a quick reminder of the why, and to stay the course. 

I feel more authentic and at rest within myself. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes I still question myself and feel anxious, but I don’t feel as much pressure to people-please or seek outside validation. By putting less effort into making everyone else happy first, I have more time to heal. 

This feeling of coming back to myself has probably been the most surprising thing to me on this health journey. While I know the mind, body, and spirit are connected, it is fascinating and a little awe-inspiring to see just how much. Who knew that working to alleviate physical symptoms would produce so much fruit in the emotional/spiritual realm of my life!

I have pride in the work that I have put in and the goals that have been met, and I also know that there is still a way to go. I do have to remind myself that it took me a long time to get here, and that healing takes time. I often think of my 3rd grade teacher’s motto: “If you don’t have time to do it right then you have time to do it again.” I want to continue to do things “right,” because life is short, and I do not want to have to do a major health overhaul again (ain’t nobody got time for that!). 

It may sound strange, but I went into this blog writing experience with no expectations. I viewed this as a unique opportunity that would stretch me and put me out of my comfort zone. With full transparency, I admit to you now that I did not expect anyone to find much interest in my point of view and I thought I would be shut down within months (there goes that worse case scenario thinking again). I am humbled to acknowledge that this was not the case, and I am still overwhelmed with how that could be true. For those that have been following along this past year and who have reached out with encouragement and empathy, who have shared with me your similar experiences and stories–from my heart, I honor you and I thank you. What a gift to be seen, understood, and met where I am at. It is difficult to put into words how deeply these interactions have impacted me and how I hold them close. Again, I thank you. 

Vulnerability and transparency. I promised myself (and you!) that I would hold those two words as my standard and guiding post, and I will continue to do so along the rest of my journey. With that being said, I now have an additional promise to make to you (and me): I promise to be a gentle voice of reason to others that feeling bad is not normal or something to accept. We all deserve to live full, joyful, challenging, and uniquely beautiful lives. I have seen how small changes become big changes and how taking one brave step in the right direction can change the narrative and trajectory of one’s life. While it is not my responsibility to change people or force them into what I think is best, it is my responsibility to be transparent and vulnerable with them. To speak hope and encouragement, to challenge the norm, and to share so that those around me know that they are not alone in their life experiences. This experience has shown me that we are all more connected than not, we do not have to do it alone, and life is better with support. There is a Ram Dass quote that I love on the shared experience we call life and it is this: “we’re all just walking each other home,” and I want to thank you for walking me home.

While Casey’s journaling of her experience is commencing with this post, her journey is just beginning and will continue! To contact or check in with Casey, feel free to email her at: [email protected].

Summary/Check In:

Feelings this week: hopeful, relieved, and grateful.

Favorite moment from experience: having a thorough documentation of this past year of my life.

Something I am currently loving: sheet pan dinners and Reese Witherspoon’s Green Drink recipe 

Something I won’t ever go back to: dismissing how I feel both physically and emotionally. 

New behavior I never thought I’d adopt: Getting excited to give healthy recommendations to friends. I’ll admit it, I’ve gotten a little crunchy ;)