Welcome to our new series, where we will be following Casey Reames on her wellness journey. Casey, who serves as our Client Concierge, has been inspired through all of the success she’s seen around her in the workplace, and wants the same for herself. She’s going to share it all with us—so sit back, and let Casey introduce herself to you, and join us in supporting her in her quest to feel her best.
As I was presented with this opportunity and thinking through whether or not this was something I wanted to share publicly, I kept having the thought that the more people who have shared their specific life experiences with me, the more I could relate to them, and the less I felt alone in my own experiences and struggles. I kept coming back to practicing what I preach, which is not just sharing vulnerably, but also with transparency.
Indulge me for a moment while I define what each of those words mean to me:
When I think of vulnerability, I tend to think of happy endings. You share your struggle, but in the end it’s all tied up with a bow and includes how everything worked out, how you learned something, or how you made it through. I fully believe vulnerability is imperative and is a part of sharing your story up until the present moment you are in now.
When I think of transparency, I think of right now. What is currently happening in the present moment —the mess, the unfinished, and the still being written.Transparency is uncomfortable; it shines a light on the realness of life. That things might not work out, there might not be much progress in the current moment, or that you can feel hopelessness from a recent setback.
You say the word “hopeless” and most people have a visceral, even physical reaction. But I believe this is because we can relate and feel uncomfortable with facing the questions: “is this as good as it gets,” “will it ever get better,” “is it too late?”. These are the questions I have been asking myself, while also pondering if I would be willing to let others into that inner world.
My goal with sharing my wellness journey is to hold both vulnerability and transparency loosely in my hands. I want to be honest and share in the difficulty in getting here, being here, and not knowing what is coming next. It is a level of accountability that I have never experienced and I know I will not do perfectly (as much as the perfectionist in me wants to promise that…but more on perfection later).
I ask for grace while I figure it out, through trial and error, with steps forward and steps backwards.
I invite you to share the present with me while I work to change my outlook on the future. To choose to show up, transparent, imperfect, and hesitant yet hopeful. Sharing in my fear of wanting this along with the fear that it may not all work out. My fear of actually getting what I want and what I deserve.
I have found too much comfort in the devil I know versus the unknown, which could very well be actual happiness and fulfillment.
It might sound strange to be scared of being happy, but when you are used to operating in a “waiting for the other shoe to drop” mindset, actually getting what you want feels terrifying.
Having something worth having, and then if lost, would be devastating.
Hope feels like a luxury afforded to the lucky ones. I have never felt like a lucky one when it comes to my health.
For some background, I have done a lot of inner work over the years. I have an intense fascination with why people are the way they are, the inner world we all live in, and the connection to mind and body. I have done the internal mind work and now it is time to do the “body” work.
My mind and body have been disconnected for years and my goal is to have peace and harmony in both. My body is my home and it is time to take care of myself in that way.
I want to feel at peace and to be able to trust myself again. It is hard to say definitive statements like “I deserve this,” “I need this,” or “I want this,” but if I am honest with myself, I know those statements to be true. The critics in my head try to counteract this with feelings of shame, tell me that I’m being selfish, indulgent, or even that it’s too late to try. However, I don’t want to live another lap around the sun wondering where I would be if I had just tried.
I am trying to befriend myself again and treat myself as a whole, as a companion, and not the stranger I have been at odds with. I have fear that I will be both too much and not enough through this. That my issues are unique only to me and that my goal to be relatable and to connect will fall short. These are lies, but I share them nonetheless because this is part of my practice of transparency.
I know I will have days of elation and victory, and days that I will want to give up and eat the real and metaphorical bag of emotional support shredded cheese, standing in the bright light of my fridge.
I also hope to bring a level of humor to the weird and uncomfortable conversations (spoiler alert: I will have to poop into a cup and share those results…)!
My commitment to you (and me) is this: vulnerability and transparency. Because at the end of the day, I believe we all have way more in common than we don’t, and I hope I leave you feeling the same way.
Thank you for making it to the end of my words and for any level of support you offer me on the way. I am excited, nervous, hesitant, and grateful. And yes, all of those things can be true at one time.
Current goals: pursuing health in all aspects, mind, body, and spirit. To be at peace within myself, gain back self trust, and ultimately show myself the love that I give to others, and deserve to feel towards myself. To conquer the fear of trying, looking stupid, and being scared but doing it anyways. To look at myself in the mirror and know that I can confidently say I am giving my all and not settling for less.
I will leave you with my current mantra through this experience: I am worthy, and I am turning my anxiety into excitement.
Feelings this week: Slightly overwhelmed, but cautiously optimistic about getting started.
Favorite moment from experience: The support and genuine excitement from the Companion Health team.
Something I am currently loving: The idea that someone could relate to my story and join me on the journey.